I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
