I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
