Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
