Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
