so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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