Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am one with the molecules
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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