I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
