I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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