how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize