watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
