Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
