Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
