hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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