don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
