I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
