I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We need to rekindle our bromance
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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