I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
