You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
