so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do vagina's smell?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
