I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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