My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
