You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
