Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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