dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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