She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
