i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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