I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im part way to drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
