I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
