3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
