if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
