I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
