I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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