Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
