he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
