That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
