like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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