24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
