I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
