remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
