Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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