Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize