No stitches, just platelets and will power
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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