Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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