How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
