May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
