That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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