Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't deserve a penis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry about my life...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
