we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sobbing to NWA
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
