in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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