im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
