the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
