i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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