I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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