You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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