I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Life is so much better after having sex.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
