even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
