I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize