I didn't shave. On purpose
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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