8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
