I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
