New invention idea: vibrating tampons
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
