The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
