how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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