You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
