This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
