Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
