would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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