You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I could fuck to npr.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize