It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
