He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if only i could text you this smell
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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