Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
