Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize