Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
