He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
