if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
