Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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