Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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