Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
