My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
