Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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