That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
