Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
