either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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