I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
