How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
