I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They have beer where we have blood.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
