we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
