omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
