Screwed.edu
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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