can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
