ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
