he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your cock deserves a montage
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
