community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
