Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
