we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
