Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
