a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
