It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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