Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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