I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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