Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
