U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
