Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
that is very illegal...i love you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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