I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
