i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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